Funny Things My Kid Says

Sam: Daddy my day of the week panties outgrew me.
Me: They outgrew you?
Sam: Yeah, I tried to put them on but I heard snapping so they outgrew me.

Sam was already up and watching TV the other morning when I got up. Note that this has only happened once before on a school day. Usually it’s a battle to get her out of bed.

Me: What are you doing up already?
Sam: Well, I woke up and heard the birds singing so I figured it was morning.

Sam: Daddy, if someone ever tries to take me then you need to call the police so they can come and take ’em out.

Sam: Can I have some cheese?
Me: Do you know how to say cheese in Spanish?
Sam: No.
Me: Queso.
Sam: Like suitcase?
Me: Except case in English is C-A-S-E and queso in Spanish is Q-U-E-S-O.
Sam: I know (she really doesn’t). Case in English and queso in Spanish are opposites.
Me: No they aren’t. They don’t have anything to do with each other.
Sam: Yes they do. Case in queso is at the beginning. Case in suitcase is at the end. So they are opposites.

Sam: I wish I could drive.
Me: Why?
Sam: So I could control all the windows.

Uncle Jared: So why is Brooks going to marry you? Does he like being told what to do?
Sam: No. I think it’s because I’m cute.

One evening when Momma was working late, I made Sam some fishsticks and green beans. Apparently I did it wrong.

Sam: Why did you cut my fishsticks in half?
Me: I thought it would be easier for you to eat.
Sam: I don’t like them cut in half.
Me: Well, it’s too late now. Next time I won’t cut them.
Sam: (Scowling) When momma gets home I’m gonna tell her about this.

Sam was about 2 and I had her standing on the vanity in the bathroom. She blurted out the following with no prompting.

Sam: Yucky boys, go Cardinals, boo Cubs.

I think I shed a little tear.

Sam: Am I four and three quarters?
Me: Yes.
Sam: Dylan says there’s no such thing as four and three quarters.
Me: Well, Dylan is wrong.
Sam: Yes! I love being right.

Me: Sam, did you play with Brooks this weekend?
Sam: Yes.
Me: Did you tell him what to do?
Sam: No, I didn’t marry him yet!