Funny Things My Kid Says

Sam: Tomorrow I can’t eat meat but I can eat fish but I like fish because I am a fish.

We were doing hidden pictures one night and one of the items to find was a pie. She was having a hard time finding it.

Me: Have you found the pie yet?
Sam: (still looking) I found it! Ha ha! No more mister wise pie. (giggle, giggle, giggle)

Sam: Daddy, I want you to make me two eggs not sunny-side up, not scrambled, not flat but with the oaks in the middle.

Sam: Daddy, what’s our number?
Me: What number?
Sam: Our sleep number.

So one day during the first week of Kindergarten we were pulling out of the driveway on our way to school. Now, Sam hates her uniform. She doesn’t dislike it, she hates it. So she hears someone on the radio say something about High School. Keep in mind that the following conversation took place over about a 10 minute period. There was lots of silence and wheels turning.

Sam: Daddy, am I in High School?
Me: No. You’ll be in High School after 8th grade.
Sam: Do they wear uniforms in High School?
Me: Some schools do and some don’t.
Sam: Do they wear uniforms in the High School that I am going to go to?
Me: We don’t know what school you will be going to yet.
Sam: I think we should start looking for a school that doesn’t wear uniforms.

For some reason unbeknownst to me, Sam thinks we are going to Hawaii this summer.

Sam: This summer when we go to Hawaii we can have soup in a coconut bowl.
Me: Buddy, we aren’t going to Hawaii this summer.
Sam: Why not?
Me: We don’t have enough money to go this year.
Sam: Maybe you should start making more money so we can go.

If only it was that easy.

I have a long-sleeve shirt that I like to wear. A lot. The elbows have huge holes in them. I put it on this morning when I got up before I went to wake Sam up.

Sam: Daddy, you need to stop wearing that shirt.
Me: Why?
Sam: You’re getting too fat for it.
Me: Too fat? What are you talking about.
Sam: You’re getting so fat that it has big holes in it.
Me: What do holes in the elbows have to do with a fat belly?
Sam: You just need to stop wearing it.

One night we hear Sam crying in her room in the middle of the night, so we go check on her to see what’s wrong.

Me: What’s wrong buddy?
Sam (crying): MY ARMS OFF!

We are assuming her arm was asleep. Regardless of what it was, we laughed. It was funny.

Sam walked up to me the other day with a picture that she had drawn. Of course she made sure that it had red in it since that’s my favorite color.

Sam: Daddy I drew this picture for you.
Me: Thank you. It’s very pretty.
Sam: You only have to give me four quarters for it.
Me: I have to pay for it?
Sam: Yes. Since you don’t make any money I have to be a kid making money. I’m just a kid making money.

I love my little Capitalist.

Every so often we make Sam pick out some toys to donate to the less fortunate.

Me: Time to pick out some stuffed animals to donate.
Sam: NO!!!
Me: Yes. Pick one out.
Sam: Ok I’ll donate this Elmo doll because Uncle Jared threw it at me one time and the big eyes hit me on the head and hurt me.